FU-Writers Block.....and Hot & Hungry!

Well...it's been brought to my attention that I have not posted in almost a month...and certain people are tired of seeing Life's been Fu-Crazy....but honestly it has! I am going through some changes right now....and trying to figure out just how much I want to share on my blog is really challenging my ability to write about anything else. So in order to cure my writers block....I've got to share the good the bad and the ugly!

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror a few months ago(I try to avoid mirrors, except for the small one I use to apply my makeup) and I didn't recognize the girl that was looking back at me....I cover my insecurity with my humor; poking fun at myself first...before someone else does. I have always been Snarky and Funny but I have become the Snarky, Funny Fat Girl. I love being Snarky....I love being funny....I love making people laugh, even if they are laughing at me....I just don't want to be fat anymore. Like my friend J and I say all the time...we would rather be
Hot & Hungry than Fat & Forty.
J got a jump start on me and she has inspired me.... to find the Hot & Hungry girl inside of me.....I love her! She is FU-MAZING!

I explained to Fish Bait today that something clicked a few months ago...before I made the CHANGES; I started looking at food different....sought the help of a nutritionist and started reading everything I could about the effects of food on my body. One of the things I discovered is; I was like a meth head...but my drug of choice is food.....thankfully it didn't make my teeth fall out or give me those really fucked up sores all over my face...or make me go sell my body for my next fix. Food is my crack, it is my addiction, my crutch, my fix....Except it isn't fixing anything...it's just made things worse and I lost myself....

So I have made major changes....and so far I have lost 47lbs and 4 dress sizes....I am no longer having to buy clothing with a "W" behind it(Which I believe secretly stands for WIDE not Women)!!!!! My feet aren't hurting, I am sleeping, I have energy and I am starting to like the girl I see in the mirror. Last night it was Queen's Birthday and we went to her Castle to celebrate with her. As I looked around the table at the beautiful women I have in my life....I almost cried......For some reason God has blessed me....and I give thanks to him... I did ask him on my way home from Queen's house what have I done to deserve these women? I personally don't know what they see in me, why they are my friends, why they love me....I know why I love each one of them...they are loyal, loving, kind, generous, supportive and Fu-Funny!

My bible is "This is why your Fat" by Jackie Warner. She is one BAD ASS LESBIAN....and I love her guts!!!!! I will go into more details about Jackie's book later...

Life has been Fu-Crazy!

I haven’t had a chance to even think about posting…..life has been Fu-Crazy! The girls started school, which means freaking homework, school supplies, school uniforms, reading…..and all that School brings on. I have to say that I didn’t miss the girls going to school…we had a hellagood summer and I am totally pissed that it is over! I love late nights with the girls, no bedtime, no stress of homework or AR reading….both of my girls HATE to read and that drives me FU-Crazy…cause I love reading more that I love McHusband…not really but sort of.

Youngest tried out and made the Bulber Youth Orchestra….she is playing the Violin and absolutely loves it. Oldest is still not really sure what she wants to do, because she is limited to what day is “Convenient” for her…you see Mondays are no good because she is exhausted from the weekend, Tuesday she has a lot of homework, Wednesday she has CCD at Church….so that really only leaves Thursday. Fridays are out because of Jr. Cotillion. Interesting enough….she can’t find something that will work around her schedule.


McHusband has been working like a dog and trying to get ready for Hunting Season and the girls can't wait to go hunting with Daddy! Do you know what that means for me?????? WEEKENDS TO MYSELF....ALL ALONE WITH A GREAT BOOK...OR WITH GREAT FRIENDS! Oh, how I love Hunting Season!!!!!

Well, the girls and are off to Texas for the weekend. Leaving McHusband home alone with the Dogsm YIKES!

It's my Birthday! Yes Biotches it's still my Birthday!

First week of school for Oldest and Youngest....what a week! After our camping trip and getting the girls ready for school....I needed a weekend at the house. Nicolocity had gotten us tickets(surprise) to see Natalie Merchant in H-Town for my Birthday....but my house was a WREAK and I had close to 12 loads of laundry to do... I had to decline, I know she was disappointed... hope she doesn't stay pissed at me for long. Oldest had a list of school supplies she still needed, as if the $100.00 I had already spent wasn't enough!

Friday, I was getting text's from all of my friends wanting to go to dinner for my Birthday....I wasn't in the mood to go out....just hang at the house would be nice. Friday afternoon I sent out a text to my people. I thought maybe a few would come but much to my surprise....everyone accepted our last minute invitation. Friday night Oldest spent the night with The Rose and Youngest spent the night with Lil Country Girl....I picked up the house and sorted laundry. VKB came in from Lafayette for a funeral and stayed with us.

Saturday, I cleaned house like a crazy person...my people started to arrive around 6ish..McHusband grilled hamburgers, hotdogs, sausage....there was not a shortage of food. In the end, we had 24 adults and 13 kids....not bad for a last minute shout-out.

As I stood in my kitchen and looked at all the faces of my friends....I couldn't help but think....I love that I am getting older, these women that I have in my life are unbelievable. Fishbait, J, Buttah, Lil J, Kitty Kat, Caro, Angelina, Cooney, VKB, Mrs. Stilletto's...they are such bad ass women and I am so glad to have them in my life.....and their husbands aren't total douche canoes...well at least for the most part!


McHusband and the girls got me a Keurig Coffee maker for my birthday...so excited about that.

I got this card from my friend J..."True friendship comes quietly, without planning."

Oh, how true that is....I never in a million years thought I would be so lucky to have such FABULOUS BITCHES in my life....but I do!

So for all you haters out there...SUCK IT!

I am going to rock the shit out of my Forties!!!!!

Tales from the Drunk Side......

Cake that my bad ass friend made for me!

Our camping trip to Cajun Palms was a hellagood time! McHusband and I invited our friends Mr. Skyy and Angelina Swolelee to bunk with us. I knew it was going to be a fu-fantastic time by the car ride alone! We were the last ones in our group to arrive at the campground. Not only did I have the bread and rolls for dinner...I, apparently also had the "BOX-O-FUN" too. It's been awhile since we have all been camping together... I forgot how much I missed my people.

Friday night was pretty low key....everyone just hanging out and catching up. Saturday, Angelina, the girls and I went to see my new baby nephew. Angelina is a professional photographer...and offered to come with to take pictures of the new baby-how nice was that? We tried to do a little shopping but Lafayette was fu-crazy...so we headed back to the campground. McHusband, Mr. Sky, Angelina, and the girls all headed to the pool.....I needed a little quite time.

Skullet and Drummer Boy were in charge of dinner for Saturday night...and boy can they cook....everything was AHHHMAZING! I was sitting visiting with MiniMe...when I hear "Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you"....I am looking around wondering who they are singing to-they are walking to me...and I am all....WTF? Angelina made me a birthday cake.....FROM SCRATCH....no store bought, 2 day old cake for me! I blew out the candle, tried to contain myself..but I couldn't....I couldn't believe that she went through that much trouble for me! I totally don't think I am worthy to have such FU-Awesome friends in my life. I freaked out and had to go to our trailer...where I cried like a baby...Mrs. Buttah came in to see about me...and I was all "I can't believe ya'll did that!" and she was all...."We love you" and I was all.."Why?"...and she was all "Because you are the shit!" and I was all "I fu-hate you bitches!" and she was all "No You don't...you fu-love us!" She is totally right...I fu-love the shit out of my friends!

Once the kids were all tucked away in the campers....Patron, Limes, and Jello Shots came out....The ladies and I slammed Patron Shots...till they all tapped out one by one! The boys were a bunch of girls...they did all the Jello Shots! One of our friends oldest son was being a dick...and was a total buzz kill..and I was not going to let him come between me and Patron or as Rachel from Big Brother would say "He is not coming between me and my man!"....so I may have interjected...and he puffed up to me....but McHusband stopped him before he could say anything(SO HOT). That was really the only semi Redneck thing that happened that weekend...Oh shit...memory...Mr. X-Ray had moonshine and homemade hot tamales.....that was totally Redneck!

I thought for sure I would hurt the next morning..I cautiously opened my eyes one at a time and very carefully got out of bed.... I almost broke out in SONG...I felt fu-mazin!!! Can't wait to do it again! There is something to be said for the powers of GREEN TEA! Intoxicate and Hydrate....say it with my people...Intoxicate and Hydrate!

Patron, Tito, Lemons and Limes....oh my!

It's my Birthday month...we gonna party like it's my Birthday! I went to Sam's this morning to get provisions for our camping trip to Cajun Palms in Breaux Bridge, La.
When I walked passed the liquor...I heard a voices saying "Pick me, Pick me!" I thought it was Tito talking to me because he is my BFF and always treats me right! I put him in my shopping cart...but I still heard "Pick me...I said Pick me!" Patron and I have recently rekindled our love affair on the field trip to the Coastal Bar at Pecan Island. So Patron, Tito and I are headed to Cajun Palms this weekend to party with our Friends....stay tuned for the Tales of the Drunk Side....if I don't have amnesia!!!!

P.S. Buttah and I made 100 jello shots for this party.....11 campers/24 adults...WHOOOHOOOO, hold on tight it's gonna be a Wicked Ride!

Bieber Fever...Suite Style

I will admit first that I do have Baby by Justin Bieber on my IPOD....I will follow that by saying...I share an ITunes account with my girls-so stop judging me!!!

Oldest had a mad crush on Justin about a year ago and lucky for me it seems to be dissipating. My friend J and I brought the girls to the Houston Rodeo earlier this year and had to endure about 30,000 screaming girls...I thought...note to self-NEVER AGAIN!!!!



Fast forward to August 1st. My Aunt Precious is a VP at Cox Communications and she invited the girls, my Aunt VKB and her daughter(we will call her KittyGirl) to be her guests for The Justin Bieber concert at the CajunDome in Lafayette, La. Did I mention that it was in the Cox Communication Suite, Catered, VIP Parking Pass and we didn't have to wait in line, with the common people to get in.... "Let them eat Cake"....Ohh, sorry...I just went a little Marie Antoinette there!!! I have to tell you....Justin Bieber not half bad, while viewing in a suite. Oldest was not feeling well at all....and youngest was more excited that Aunt Precious brought her favorite Cuzan as the surprise guest. When we were leaving the Cajundome, Aunt Precious was pointing out to Youngest and KittyGirl the Cox Communication sign...and told them to say thank you Cox. Youngest said "Who is Cox?" and KittyGirl answered "Your Friend in the Digital Age".....everyone in the car started to laugh.....and if I have confused anyone....that is the line for their commercial....verbatim!

I expect to see KittyGirl featured on an upcoming Cox Communication commerical soon.

Frienemy

Frienemy - A "toxic" person who poses as a friend but subconsciously or consciously wishes you harm.

As I approach my 40's the thought of having frienemies is sort of ridiculous....but there are a few still out there, lurking in the shadows....waiting for you to slip up, so they can pounce on you and eat your face off. I have managed to rid myself of most of these women but there are still a few that I can't seem to shake off....sort of like a sticky booger. So.....what to do?