Monday, May 16, 2011

97lbs of Self Discovery

As I sit here today and reflect over the last 8 months I had no idea who I would find by loosing 97lbs....I will say that I still see that fat girl when I look in the mirror but if I catch a reflection of myself in a window or see my shadow I am totally blown away with who I see.  I was so miserable, so depressed, so angry with who I was...who I had become.  I spent most of the last 10 years faking it the best I could...putting on a happy face, making people laugh...trying to hide my misery.  I saw this picture of myself from a girls weekend away with my Taunties and Couzans in July and I cried harder than I've ever cried in my life...because I had no idea who I was looking at...Where did I go?  The person I was looking at looks like she ate me or was wearing my skin all stretched out like that guy from Silence of the Lambs....What the hell had I done to myself!

...but at that point I knew that I had to make a change, that I couldn't live like that anymore...I didn't want to be FAT & FORTY! When I started this journey all I wanted to do was shed the weight...I thought that was going to make me happy.  I started with exercise videos at home....wanting to spare the general public the site of a very large woman exercising and trying to get her fit on.  I completely changed my eating habits, stopped drinking my beloved wine, cut out sugar and processed foods and I quickly saw results.  I lost almost 20pds in less than a month.  By December I was down 65pds and my sweet friends J and Legs encouraged me to sign up for Boot Camp Maintenance with Allie @ Project on December 6th I started Boot Camp Maintenance and on March 18th it was over...I never missed a day.  I lost 22 pds during Boot Camp's what I discovered about myself that is more important than the weight loss-although I don't believe I would have had this self discovery without the weight loss....I discovered that I could accomplish whatever I set out to do...I discovered that I am goal oriented....I have discovered that I truly enjoy being pushed beyond what I thought I could do....I have to say that I have never been very good at depending on others for help...because I have been let down so often....but with an 87pd weight loss...I kicked the shit out of a few walls that I put up- With the help of J, Legs, Poppy, The Bunny, Hardcore Chic and Mr. Hardcore Chic Magnet, Mr. Shiny, Waterboy, Diane and of course Allie!!!  Allie has created a place that people feel connected to one one another and cheer each other on....I have NEVER experienced this at a GYM..EVER!!!!

On May 20th I started Couch25K with KitKat, Landry, Oldest, Youngest, Kelbell and Landry2!  We inspired a group of others to start the program too....who knew!

May 13th I finished my first Boot Camp with Allie, Jo-Twhat nightmares are made of, Super Dave and Mr. Shiny....I improved in every area of our assessments!! I ran a mile in 10 minutes without having a heart attack or crying...although I totally have exercise turrets...sorry for all that witnessed that over the last 6 wks! I lost 10pds during this Boot Camp but again it's not the losses that I am excited's that I was pushed harder than I have ever been pushed and I did it....I completed it and I gave it 100%!!!
I will forever be dedicated to Allie for helping me discover this person I didn't think even existed....without Allie I am not sure I would have.  I am more grateful to her than she will ever know!

McHusband, Oldest and Youngest are so supportive and we have grown stronger as a family....I am no longer sitting on the sideline watching my people live and love life...I am living life with them, although they can't keep up with me now!!! It really is true...when Mamma's happy...everybody is happy and Mamma is so freaking happy!

I have discovered that I can't be bothered with being angry and sad when people disappoint me...I have to just move on....I can't dwell on what has happened....I just have to pick myself up...dust myself off and go for a spin or a run...or call one of my Foxhole Friends! 

Thank you Foxhole Friends for running through this journey of Self Discovery with me....I am far from complete....  and I can't wait to see what's next!