This past weekend Cooney and I brought Oldest, Youngest, and their best friends to Clear Lake...Oldest and her best friend are doing Sailing Camp at LYC and they had to do their swim test and boat check in. I love going home to TEXAS, love spending time with my sister, mom, and all my friends. When I get ready to leave....I always get sad and pouty..sometimes I even throw little fits and I always cry when I go over the Baytown Bridge....
This past weekend some TEXAS size Asshat flew out of the Krogers parking lot and ran a red light...I had to slam on my brakes and get in the inside lane to avoid hitting him. When we passed him Cooney looked at him with her hands out...saying "What the hell..." Then the Douchebag got behind me and was riding my ass...this is on Hwy 146, it is hella busy on the weekends and the traffic was thick. The Douche Canoe then got in the center lane to turn and when I looked at him and said with my hands up..."Really?" He sped up and cut me off, jumped out of his truck and punched the window of my Suburban...barking and spitting like a rabid dog.
As luck would have it...there just so happened to be a TEXAS GAME WARDEN and a Seabrook Police Officer behind us(what are the odds, right!)...They witnessed all of this ROAD RAGE AND VIOLENT BEHAVIOR.....he directed Mr. Asshat back to his vehicle, got his statement....while the Police Officer talked to me......Youngest is in the backseat with her lil friend...and she is FREAKING out, I mean shaking, crying and nauseous..... The officer asked the standard questions and then asked us to move into the AutoZone parking lot, he was so sweet..he told Youngest that everything was going to be okay and he was there to protect her.
Mr. ASSHAT said that I flipped him off-which was a lie...I mean I totally flipped him off in my head and I did call him a DOUCHEBAG...but flip him off I did not. The Police Officer asked me what I wanted to see happen and I said I just wanted them to hold him long enough for me to get out of town, it was late and I needed to get the kids home....What I wanted to say was..."Could you tell The Douchebag that I would like it if he moved back to his homeland of Douchebagistan...that is what I would like to see happen!"
Now.....I have a theory about Mr. Asshat....my theory is:
Mrs. Asshat, who is busy with their daughter's swim team meet this weekend, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, getting ready for a busy week with the kids...asks Mr. Asshat if he could please run to the store and grab a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread for HIS children.....Mr. Asshat is busy watching a race, or is tired from fishing or golfing and really just wants to sit in his Lazy-Boy and relax...Mrs. Asshat has HAD it and she keeps nagging him until he finally does it. He storms off, grabs the keys to Mrs. Asshats White Ford Expedition EL and halls ASS to Krogers....where he slams the door and curses Mrs. Asshat the whole time he is inside the store...he is rude to the cashier...slams the door when he gets back in Mrs. Asshat's White Expedition EL and burns rubber out of the parking lot, runs the red light and comes face to face with this FATWICKEDBITCH....and it was more than he could handle and he looses his shit.....I just hope Mrs. Asshat is okay.